Compassionate Learning
Last week we featured and discussed "the learning triangle" in our lessons and group classes. When teachers and parents talk together, the conversation is often centered on motivation. How do we keep our child or ourselves motivated to practice? In the last Upbeat, I mentioned that we can utilize extrinsic motivation as a tool towards practice. All educators desire their students to be inspired by intrinsic factors such as the love of music, the joy of successful learning, or enjoyment of the kinds of music they can play.
"Where love is deep, much can be accomplished" - Shinichi Suzuki
These are the words of Dr. Suzuki that are most often quoted. This is because this is really true. Where love is present, the student is motivated to do one's best or try one's hardest. One may say it is a form of extrinsic motivation when students are motivated by the desire to please their parents or their teachers. I believe this is still a positive way to be motivated. When love is present, aren't we as humans also happiest?
In our Suzuki triangle there is love that bonds these relationships and that is what makes the Suzuki teacher special: The Suzuki teacher also puts love into their teaching and care into their instruction. We believe this love is most important to our compassionate learning environment.
Several years ago, I had a student and parent who were struggling with practice at home. The parent was convinced the student was not trying hard enough, and the practicing at home was leading to a very stressful and tense environment. This started to spill over into the lessons so that the parent could no longer be present in the lesson because of the discomfort caused by watching her child not play well or not be making enough progress. The student was always well behaved, listened to instructions, and followed my advice successfully during the lessons. But at home, there was total frustration. Both the child and parent were ready to quit. This led to a couple of weeks of experiments: weeks where the parent did not attend and the child came alone, and then a couple of lessons where the child did not want to attend at all. Finally the parent and I sat down to discuss a new strategy. I suggested that the parent return to attending lessons after I had a chance to discuss with the student this return. I reminded the parent that her most important role was actually to "show love for her child." No matter what would happen in the future, music lessons or not, this love was the most important thing in their relationship. We agreed that to show love, the parent would try to find a way to stay calm while listening to the lesson. The next week, I discussed with the student how the parent was applying pressure about learning music because she loved the child and felt this would help the child grow. Because she loved her, she wanted music to be a creative outlet, be a good de-stressing activity, and also improve all kinds of learning. So, we wanted to give it another try.
In the ensuing lessons, both student and parent attended the lesson. As we played through a piece, I would listen for what was going well. Each time I would ask the parent to confirm that what I found was positive in the playing was also visible or audible to her. If I was trying to change a particular dynamic, I would ask the parent if she heard a difference. Each incremental change was acknowledged by praise for the student's making the effort to improve. At the end of the lesson, I asked the parent to hug the child. Little by little this relationship improved, and the student continued lessons until we reached a much better place emotionally in our Suzuki triangle. A year later, I asked the parent if she saw the change, and she admitted that her child was making good progress. This student continues to take lessons, and continues moments of better or less practicing. But the most important value of the positive relationship and of keeping music a part of the student's life has been accomplished.
None of this could have happened without the patience and love of the parent. We have many scenarios that we Suzuki teachers live each day. We are always rewarded by the successes of our students and the devotion of the parents to continue the journey of music learning--with love. It is part of the beauty of the Suzuki community to see this love present in our every day lives.
Sachiko
