Being Resilient
Students playing at the Harvest Fair from over the weekend!
My father was a physicist. I grew up in a household where science and art lived and breathed. My parents loved classical music and at times they would play small pieces of repertoire for violin and piano in the evenings when we were all in bed. The science part of my upbringing meant that questions were answered or researched and time was measured precisely. I remember my dad picking me up from high school, and my being a few minutes to get out to the car. He said, "you are 2 minutes and 37 seconds late!" (or something close to that...)
Also, around that time in high school, I have a strong memory of a conversation I had with my father about the challenges and frustrations I was facing with keeping up with homework, a teacher I didn't like, friend issues, or even an argument with a sibling. I remember him saying that scientists learned a lot from the amoeba. Researchers found that the amoeba who lived the longest were the ones who were exposed to temperature change and a constantly changing environment. This developed the ability to adapt in hostile environments and made them stronger. The lesson learned was that my challenges would make me stronger and I would do better as I faced all of them rather than having a smooth sailing life.
As parents, we worry about our children. We want to smooth things over and make things right for them. However, their lives will improve and they will develop their own strengths by facing these challenges. It is important for students to learn and to be in an environment that forces them to change somewhat. Sometimes we call this "going out of the comfort zone" but it is also part of the growth mindset to allow our children to confront a challenge and maybe even face "failure." What is important is how we support them to pick themselves up and try again. Keeping the pressure off is not always possible, but can be turned into a growth opportunity.
I highly recommend that all parents read Nurtured by Love by Dr. Suzuki. His instinct was keen, and it is amazing to re-read his writings to realize how perceptive he truly was. In talking about talent being something that is truly learned and developed, he wrote: "Abilities are born and developed by the working of the vital forces of the organism as it strives to live and adapt to its environment right in the beginning. Therefore, the only superior quality a child can have at birth is the ability to adapt itself with more speed and sensitivity to its environment than others." (Nurtured by Love, p. 13)