Forgiveness

I was listening to NPR as I usually do while driving in my car, and there was a program of Holiday seasonal songs being played. This was a playlist devised by David Byrne of the Talking Heads, so many of the songs reflected the era of post-60s rebelliousness. As he stated, as a result of the 60s people began to criticize the consumerism and commercialism of Christmas. Byrne's playlist included some dark and sad songs about the Holidays including a song  that he wrote. Where does this darkness come from?

In general we think of the Holidays as a time for gathering together.  In some ways the thought of being alone over the Holidays has some negative connotations.  But for some quiet people, being alone is not a problem.  It allows for independence and the ability to follow one's mood from moment to moment.  On the other  hand, some people's loneliness can feel exacerbated by the feeling of being left out, and maybe not having family close by. 

In a book I was reading about parenting, we do not always realize that some children come home from school wanting to spill out and share all the things that happened to them that day.  This need to have conversation with another person or with others helps the transition to being at home and allowing them to settle in for the evening.  Other children who have spent their whole day with other people, feel that the first thing they need is some alone time, a moment to gather one's own thoughts and recharge one's energy through a quiet moment.  Those persons are the introverts who are not ready immediately to talk about their day or share how they are feeling.  Noticing how people react is part of the role of the adult caregivers and teachers.  This affects the child's learning style and behavior. 

As we approach the December break, it is also the end of the year.  Does the end of year bring sadness to some?  Do we sometimes regret what we have not accomplished or look at all the incomplete projects we wanted to do and feel we have run out of time?  The daylight is very short in late December, and I know that gives me less energy than the long summer daylit months. As the year ends, some people may be feeling stress and pressure.  There may even be anger at unresolved conflicts.  But, as we think of this time as a time to prepare for the New Year, maybe this is a time to forgive.  Maybe we can find forgiveness for ourselves because we feel we fell short, but did the best we could.  Maybe we are angry at someone else because we feel that they fell short. With the coming of the New Year, we may set new goals and new expectations. I believe the excitement of the New Year means we can think of a fresh start and a clean slate. It is a time when we can allow ourselves to forgive. 

Teaching children to forgive themselves can be difficult.  Children can easily be embarrassed and set high expectations of themselves.  Our role is to continue to encourage them. Learning to try again at something that did not go well can be healing. In a world where people have high expectations, we all need to practice a little forgiveness.

Sachiko Isihara

Executive Director

Suzuki School of Newton